Cutting

My sister is a cutter. I saw red marks on her wrist tonight at dinner, and before I could even stop myself, I asked "What's that on your wrist??" Halfway through asking, I realized what it was. But it was too late, I'd already started asking and there was no turning back. She covered it up by saying that they were scratches from Delilah, her cat, and that she's also gotten a cardboard cut at work. But the worst thing was that she didn't show Mom when she asked to see. By not showing her, Ashley is incriminating herself. They're gonna figure something's going on. She flat out refused to show them. If it was some normal scratch, it wouldn't have been that big of a deal. So something's up.

I think she did it on her right wrist on purpose, so they wouldn't see it when we're at dinner, as they sit to her right. I happened to see it because I sit to her left. But it would make more sense for her to cut her left arm because she's right handed. Why I'm even thinking of this is beyond me.

We went to the fireworks show, and Ashley and her little friend Amy were talking about it. So Amy knows. So on the way home, I asked her about the "scratches" and she wanted to know why I wanted to know. She finally gave in, saying it was a way of relieving stress when she couldn't get ahold of alcohol or anything else to numb her. I guess she's been having a lot of stress with one of the managers at work. I asked if maybe she thought she needed a new job. No, just a new manager.

She said last night when she was crying because of getting a written warning at work was the first time she'd cried since Grandpa Dodson died at the beginning of last September. That she couldn't even cry in junior high when our friend Matt died in a car accident. I told her maybe she needed to cry more if she needed to relieve stress. She says she just can't cry. And it pisses her off. She can cry at movies and while reading books and at stupid things, but she couldn't cry when a good friend died.

God. That's got to be hard. I have no idea how that feels. I cry all the time. Seriously. I'm just really emotional. It's not like a big drama fest or anything when I'm crying. No sobbing, no wailing...just tears. But I do cry, and I let out my stress. I told her maybe she should start going to the gym as a way to relieve stress. She's going to be in a Wellness class soon, anyway.

I don't know. It just scares me to think that when booze and weed aren't enough, and she has to start cutting her skin as a way to relieve stress. I guess I just don't know what's so stressful in her life that's causing this. I think I might need to talk to her more about her life and see what's going on. This scares me. She's not suicidal, I know that, and she told me that. But cutting? Arg. I hope this doesn't continue.

If any of my readers out there are religious, could you please pray for my sister? I don't want her to end up doing anything worse than what she is now. I want her to be happy with her job and her life. She deserves better than that. She's a good kid. A little mixed up, but a good kid, nonetheless. Thanks for any support out there.